The Uninformed Review #2 – Nicotinell Mint 2mg Lozenge 96 Pack

What is it? The side of the box says ‘they provide an effective aid to combat the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms caused by giving up smoking’. Of course the unpleasant side effects of actually smoking are a lot worse, including almost fatal hemorrhaging of the wallet. Upon opening the small cardboard box containing the lozenges, should you be in any doubt as to what these are, well you will be left in no doubt. What we actually have here is medicine, people. There are blister packs containing the lozenges, plus a leaflet on how to use the lozenges called ‘ Information on how to use Nicotinell Mint 2mg lozenges’ in case you should become confused and attempt to administer the lozenge anally, or something I suppose. The leaflet does mention some side effects. Apparently (and not wanting to sound like a scaremonger) it is possible you could suffer ‘palpitations and a change in heart rhythm’. I would have softened the blow by adding ‘Still, it beats cancer, doesn’t it?’. The leaflet also contains a ‘Nicotinell sucking technique’ which borders on the pornographic, should it be read by someone with a dirty mind. Actually, I have to say at this point, the leaflet is probably the best thing about them.Quick Fact – Cigarettes were first developed in South America in the 9th Century. However smoking only became cool in the early 20th Century. Before then just about everyone smoked virtually from birth, meaning smoking itself couldn’t be used as a method of measuring someones social acceptance. Remarkably since the beginning of the 21st century the trend has reversed again, with smokers being forced to stand out in the rain, with signs explaining they are smokers around their necks, whilst being heckled and abused by passers by.

What does it do? It helps you give up smoking. No wait, what it actually does is remind you smoking wasn’t that bad after all. It does have the benefit however of being slightly cheaper than smoking, and the price is dropping all the time, while the price of cigarettes just goes up and up (We will very soon reach the point when they will be so expensive your friendly casual local criminals would consider them worth mugging people for). There must still be a few people out there (myself included, unless I am the only one), who will not be able to afford both, so once the user has purchased Nicotinell Mint 2mg Lozenges they would not be able afford cigarettes. Anyway I’m sure that’s not the point. The point is the lozenges themselves help you give up cigarettes, although the cost thing helps obviously. The 2mg lozenges are used by those just starting out on giving up. Later the user is intended to switch to 1mg lozenges, which will be reviewed at a later date in The Uninformed Review – Nicotinell Mint 1mg Lozenge, which will obviously be very different to this review (the lozenges aren’t as strong for a start, plus some other things…)

Quick Tip – When sucking a Nicotinell 2mg Lozenge, should you be approached by a friend or colleague offering you a smoke, DO NOT forget you have given up. This is very important as you will be taking in twice as much nicotine, and will end up being doubly hooked on both smoking and lozenges.

Where does it come from? It comes from a factory. However as this is medicine it probably doesn’t look like the biscuit factories you see on documentaries. I would imagine they would look very similar, but there are more people wandering around in white coats. No, hang on, it probably does look like a biscuit factory… it definitely looks nothing like a brewery though, I think. If you want to buy them they can be found in shops, and on the internet.

Quick Fact – As smoking is a form of laxative, quiting smoking can lead to constipation. Just in case you needed to know.

How long will it last? The leaflet recommends you suck no more than 15 a day, which means that a 96 pack will last almost a week. In reality it can take up to an hour to finish sucking one, and the manufacturers do expect you to spend some time eating (I think, it doesn’t mention eating in the leaflet, unless they don’t expect you to sleep at any time). As for how long they last should you decide to just go back to smoking, I’m sure there are some guidelines but I cant seem to find any. So presumably you can leave them in the cupboard until you next attempt to quit in several years time.

Quick Tip – Lozenges should apparently be rested between the gum and cheek, not sucked like a strong mint, which was the mistake I made or quite some time before realising…

How much will it cost? Tesco, Sainsbury and Asda charge £11.00, for some reason Morrisons feel the need to charge £16.08. Of course you can get any smoking cessation products by going to your doctor and getting it for the price of a prescription.

Quick Fact – Smoking cessation products can also be obtained via prescription.

Summary

So smoking is expensive. And giving up is cheaper. So whats the problem? Well as we all know there are two products whose prices are going through the roof right now. One is petrol, and you could say fair enough, we don’t want to kill the environment. The other are cigarettes. Very soon no one will be smoking as no one will be able to afford it. What will happen to all the money the government gains in taxing them? That and the fact that as no one is dying earlier, everyone is going to live longer, who is going to look after all these old people wandering around, falling over. The streets will be full of them. Ask yourself – do you want to be part of this future? If you do I fully recommend this product to you. However it was never my intention here to pursued you to do that, although by reading this review and the soon to be completed The Uninformed Review – Twenty Marlboro Lights should give you an idea.

NOTE – Do not use Nicotinell mint 2mg Lozenges if you are not addicted to smoking, as you could become addicted to the lozenge and need to start smoking in order to wean yourself off.

Score

29%

The Uninformed Review #1 – King Pot Noodle, Bombay Bad Boy Flavour

What is it?First off the official blurb on the side of the pot itself – ‘Noodles in an incredibly HOT CURRY flavour sauce with soya pieces, vegetables and a little sachet of hot fire chilli sauce’. So if you were in any doubt, this is a CURRY flavoured noodle product. It comes in a cylindrical cone-like round ‘pot’, made of plastic and covered in a foil lid. Within the pot, as the blurb suggests, along with the dried noodles is a small sachet of sauce for use in the flavouring process, allowing the user to tweak their taste experience according to their taste, making the Pot Noodle a fully customizable foodstuff. There are also a healthy amount of peas and sweetcorns (both also dried), meaning presumably eating a pot noodle counts towards your ‘five a day’.

Quick Fact – The english language word noodle originates from the German word Nudel (meaning Noodle).

What does it do?You may notice that with the dried food inside, a newly purchased pot noodle also works well as rudimentary maracas (only if no actual maracas are available, if they are I strongly recommend you use them instead for fear of looking silly – see forthcoming Uninformed Review – Maracas).. As a foodstuff, its main task involves being eaten by the user, with the manufacturers intention presumably be for it to taste as good as possible. Obviously different people have different tastes, therefore the Pot Noodle company have helpfully produced at least four other flavours (and possibly more by the time you read this, they are apparently developing new noodle related ideas all the time). So this review is based on the presumption that the reader does in fact like the curry flavour, should they not I recommend they wait for The Uninformed review of King Pot Noodle, Chicken and Mushroom flavour, which should be available shortly. As well as simply being edible from a pot (which makes it very useful should you be caught in a position where you need to eat ‘on the fly’, in other words very quickly), you can remove the cooked product from the pot and add it to a bowl, or if you are really adventurous add it to a bap or baguette for a more bread related noodle experience. Hilarious practical jokes can be achieved by pouring the Bombay Bad Boy flavour noodles plus full contents of aforementioned hot fire chilli sauce into an empty Chicken and Mushroom flavour pot, then served up to a friend who is sensitive (i.e. doesn’t like) spicy food. The entire packaging of a pot noodle (including the noodles themselves) are fully recyclable. Quick Tip – You may like to reuse your used pot and use it as a plant pot. Very postmodern, apparently.

Where does it come from? The Pot Noodle company as brought by Unilever from its previous owners Golden Wonder, which prevented cross contamination caused by cheese and onion crisps finding their way amongst the noodles. This was a baffling problem for Golden Wonder, especially as the crisps and pot noodles were manufactured in different factories.

Quick Fact – Pot Noodle has recently come under fire for being an unhealthy snack, this can be avoided by eating it as a substitute for a main meal. You could always get a takeaway later if you get hungry.

How long will it last?My recently purchased pot noodle has a used by date of MAY 08. Meaning that if you have recently knocked up your wife, girlfriend or other, you could purchase a pot noodle today and it will still be good to eat as a celebration when the baby eventually arrives (is born). However the actual usage time, not including storage time spent in your cupboard while waiting to eat, is a little under 15 minutes. This includes boiling the kettle, and waiting for the noodle to achieve optimum softness. Its speed of preparation however adds to its score, as it does fall into the snack category.

Quick Tip – Replacing the lid of the foil lid after adding the boiling water will speed up the softening process of the noodles. Achtung! Do not replace the foil lid before adding the boiling water, this will not work as the foil is impervious to water, meaning it will pour away from the pot rather than on to the noodles, possibly causing scalding type incidents should said water come into contact with the user. This might seem obvious, but there is always one isn’t there?

How much will it cost?96p Adsa, 99p Tesco, Sainsburys, Morrisons. It is possible you could be charged as much as £1.89 in 24 hour garages and the like, so shop clever, people.

Quick Fact – Noodles are of course an extremely cheap foodstuff, grown as it is in the paddy fields of south east Asia along with other staple vegetables such as rice and pasta.

Summary

I found the eating of King Pot Noodle, Bombay Bad Boy flavour as a very pleasant experience. True, it will never replace an actual curry, however should you be in a position where nothing but a curry will do, yet neither have the time, energy, or money to obtain one, this will do as an adequate replacement. However comparisons with curry are at best not clever, as previously mentioned Pot Noodle is in fact a snack, therefore it can be better compared with beans on toast. At worst the comparison between a curry and a pot noodle could be considered the first ramblings of a madman, so Ill have to tread careful here. Its cheapness and simpleness explains the relatively high score awarded to this product. Once note of caution however – despite many earlier references to adding boiling water, written as it was by me, this is incorrect. The pots themselves have ‘add hot water – not boiling’ printed on the sides. I inadvertently added boiling water and accidentally pierced the bottom of the pot with my fork whilst vigorously stirring, causing the contents to spill onto my trousers. So just a little warning there – no matter how simple something appears to be, probably best to read the instructions first just to be on the safe side, eh?

NOTE – it is perfectly acceptable to use a spoon to eat a pot noodle, but not a knife.

Score

57%